All righty, then…let’s get deep shall we? [I would like to say that I am not diagnosed by anyone with a PhD, this is all guesswork off the internet. If you are suffering please seek help from a professional. If you would like to share your own story feel free.]
I struggle with anxiety. Shocking, someone on the internet that struggles with the frustrations of social anxiety.
But it’s only in the last year or so that I’ve really been able to understand what I was dealing with. Mostly due to so many people sharing their experiences on the internet. For me, my anxiety manifests in over thinking, self doubt and constant negative thoughts. For a long time, I thought I was just depressed and that I would get over it at some point. This was not the case and has instilled in me several bad habits. I let my anxiety win because I thought I was just in a bad mood for what has been probably about 3 years.
Even to this day, I’m recognizing weird things that link to anxiety/paranoia. For example: a couple nights ago, as I was trying to fall asleep, my brain kept replaying a memory of when I accidently cut myself with scissors. It wasn’t a purposeful thought process, I tried to actively not think about it, to no success. My brain was on autopilot and wanted to protect me from harm despite not being in danger. I realized this was a common thing for my brain to do. I constantly think about things going wrong like “I have forgotten to lock my front door” or “did I leave the stove on?” Instead of my brain doing the rationale thing of assuring me the stove was not on because I didn’t even use it, it will play images of my apartment building going up in flames for ages. Super not fun and super stressful for literally no reason.
I hope in the next year I will work on my anxiety and over thinking issues. I have put a name to it and accepted this is what I will deal with but I need to dive head first into addressing it. I have formed some rather frustratingly bad habits because of my anxiety and I need to now break them. Wish me luck!
Thanks for reading